# 42 - Scheduling Preference vs. Scheduling Accommodation: Why They Are Not the Same Thing

When does a scheduling request become more than a preference? In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores the critical difference between wanting a particular schedule and needing one to support disability-related functioning. 

Through the lens of late-diagnosed autism, masking, burnout, sensory overload, and workplace accessibility, she examines why accommodations are about access, not convenience, and why many autistic adults struggle to advocate for needs they have spent a lifetime minimizing. If you've ever questioned whether your needs are "real enough" to deserve support, this episode is for you.

Be sure to follow @quietlyautisticatlastpodcast on Instagram for episode updates, visual reflections, research highlights, and conversations about late-diagnosed autism, AuDHD, masking, burnout, self-discovery, and creating a life that honors your nervous system.

A quick reminder that this podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only and reflects my personal experiences and perspectives as a late-diagnosed autistic woman. Autism is a spectrum, and every autistic person's experience is unique. Nothing in this podcast should be considered medical, psychological, legal, employment, or diagnostic advice.

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, thoughts of self-harm, or emotional distress that feels overwhelming, please call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the United States. You deserve support, and help is available.

Transcript

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Welcome back to Quietly Autistic at Last. I'm your host, Dr. Allison Succamelli. And today I want to talk about something that many autistic adults encounter, especially in workplaces, schools, and organizations. The difference between a scheduling preference and a scheduling accommodation. But first, be sure to follow the podcast on Instagram at QuietlyAutistic at Last Podcast for episode updates, visual reflections, research highlights, and conversations about late diagnosed autism, AwDHD, masking, burnout, self-discovery, and creating a life that honors your nervous system. Check the episode bio for a direct link. And a kind reminder before we get started, this podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only and reflects my personal experiences and interpretations as a late diagnosed autistic woman. Autism is a spectrum, and every autistic person's experience is unique and valid. And nothing in this podcast should be considered medical, psychological, legal, or diagnostic advice. And if you are experiencing a mental health crisis, thoughts of self-harm or emotional distress that feels overwhelming, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 in the United States. You deserve support and help is available. And if you are outside of the United States, please check your local resources. Okay, let's get into this week's episode. So at first glance, a preference and an accommodation can sound remarkably similar. Someone might say, I'd rather work in the morning, I prefer not to have meetings late in the day. I like having my prep period during fifth period. And someone else might say, I need a modified schedule because my disability significantly impacts my ability to function during certain parts of the day. And to an outside observer, those statements can sound almost identical. Yet psychologically, medically, and legally, they are very different. And today I want to explore why, because many autistic people, myself included, spent years feeling guilty for needing accommodations, for even asking really. And we convince ourselves that we're merely being difficult, demanding particular high maintenance, or even needy, when in reality, what we are asking for is not a preference at all, it's an accommodation and profoundly necessary for our functioning. And understanding that distinction can be incredibly important for self-advocacy. So to start, let's clarify what a preference actually is. A preference is something that makes life easier, more pleasant, or more enjoyable. Preferences are normal, everyone has them. Some people prefer mornings, others prefer evenings, some people prefer a standing desk, others prefer a window office. Some teachers would love first period prep. Others would love six period prep. Preferences exist because human beings naturally function differently. But here's the important part. A preference is generally about optimization. It's about making something better. The person can usually still function without it. Maybe not as happily, maybe not as efficiently, but they can function. The preference improves performance. It is not required for access. So let me say that again. A preference improves performance. An accommodation provides access. That's a very important distinction. So what then is an accommodation? An accommodation exists because a disability creates a barrier. Without the accommodation, access becomes significantly impaired. The issue is not convenience, the issue is functionality, the issue is participation, the issue is health. An accommodation helps level the playing field. It allows a disabled person to perform the essential functions of their role despite barriers created by their disability. And this is where many autistic adults become confused because we have spent our entire lives minimizing our own struggles. We assume that if we're physically capable of doing something, then we should simply do it. But disability accommodations are not about whether something is technically possible. They're about the cost, they're about the impact, they're about the toll it takes. So imagine asking someone to carry a backpack. Most people can carry it. Now imagine filling that backpack with 50 pounds of bricks. The person can still carry it, but now every step requires more effort, more energy, more recovery time, more strain, and eventually exhaustion appears, pain appears, injury appears. And the fact that they can still carry the backpack doesn't mean the load isn't harmful. And many autistic adults live this way. We become experts at carrying invisible weight, weight that no one sees, weight that no one can detect, weight often hidden by a mask as not to be a burden to others. Things like sensory processing, executive function, social monitoring, masking, constant adaptation, emotional regulation, cognitive overload. We carry all of it. Then someone says, Well, you can do it. And they're technically right, we can. The question isn't whether we can or not, the question is what it costs. And day after day, year after year, that cost deepens and continues to go unnoticed by those around us. And this is a big part of why scheduling matters so much. One of the biggest misunderstandings about autism is the assumption that all hours of the day are functionally equivalent. For many autistic people, they aren't. Energy is not evenly distributed. Cognitive resources are not evenly distributed. Sensory resilience is not evenly distributed. Executive functioning is not evenly distributed. And some autistic people are strongest in the morning while others are strongest at night. Some experience significant fatigue after prolonged social interaction. That's definitely me. And some experience increasing sensory overwhelm as the day progresses. Me again. And some experience escalating masking exhaustion. Yep. And some experience reduced processing speed under cumulative stress. 100%. And in these situations, schedule design becomes much more than preference. Schedule design becomes accessibility. So let's take a moment to talk about the myth of equal capacity. One of the most harmful workplace assumptions is this. If everyone else can do it, you should be able to do it too. And that sounds fair on the surface, but equality and equity are not the same thing. Equality gives everyone the same schedule. Equity recognizes that some people face barriers, others do not. Autism often creates barriers that are invisible because when other people cannot see them, they assume they do not exist. Yet invisible barriers are still barriers. A wheelchair ramp exists because stairs create a barrier. A modified schedule exists because neurological differences create a barrier. Different barrier, same principle. But here's the problem with comparing disabilities. Another challenge autistic adults encounter is a tendency to compare disabilities. People say, well, everybody gets tired, everyone gets overwhelmed, everyone dislikes meetings, everyone wants a better schedule. That may be true, but disability is not defined by the existence of a challenge. It is defined by the degree to which the challenge impairs functioning. Everyone gets tired. Not everyone experiences autistic burnout. And to clarify, burnout is typically the result of prolonged stress, overwork, or emotional exhaustion, and often improves with rest, time off, or reduced demands. Autistic burnout goes beyond ordinary exhaustion. It is a state of profound physical, emotional, sensory, and cognitive depletion caused by the cumulative impact of living in a world not designed for autistic neurology, often including years of masking, adapting, and pushing beyond one's limits. And recovery from autistic burnout is usually slower and may involve a temporary loss of skills, increased sensory sensitivity, and reduced capacity for daily functioning. But still, people will say everyone gets stressed. Not everyone experiences sensory shutdown. Everyone dislikes certain situations. But not everyone experiences neurological overload from these things. And it's not a choice. It's important to note that intensity matters, frequency matters, and impact matters. So let's talk about something difficult: internalized ableism. Many autistic adults become their own harshest critics. We absorb years of messaging that tells us try harder, push through, stop making excuses. Everybody deals with this. Eventually we begin saying those things to ourselves. We start treating our disability like a character flaw. Instead of recognizing genuine barriers, we judge ourselves for having them. And again, this is called internalized ableism. And it can make requesting accommodations feel incredibly uncomfortable. Even when those accommodations are entirely reasonable, even when they are medically or clinically supported, even when they are necessary. And not only does requesting accommodations feel incredibly uncomfortable, it feels even worse when the request goes unheard, misunderstood, or referred to as will take your preferences into consideration when making the schedule. Sometimes it makes you wish you never opened your mouth in the first place, but you have to. Imagine two people trying to see over a fence. One person is six feet tall, the other is four feet tall. Providing a step stool to the shorter person doesn't create an unfair advantage. It creates access. Accommodations function similarly. They're not about getting more, they're about losing fewer opportunities because of disability-related barriers. There is also an emotional side of accommodation requests. Many autistic adults feel tremendous shame when advocating for accommodations. We worry people won't believe us. We worry they'll think we're lazy. We worry they will think we're entitled. We worry they'll think we're exaggerating. Unfortunately, those fears don't appear out of nowhere. Many of us have experienced exactly those reactions. Yet needing an accommodation does not make you weak. It does not make you demanding. It does not make you difficult. It makes you human. And it makes you someone attempting to function effectively within the reality of your neurological profile. This may be the most important point of today's episode. You don't have to earn accessibility. You do not have to suffer enough to deserve support. You do not have to completely collapse before asking for accommodations. You do not have to reach autistic burnout before seeking help. You do not have to prove extraordinary distress before your needs become valid. And many autistic adults wait until they are already drowning before requesting support. And I made this mistake myself. By then, recovery becomes much harder. It really does, especially because the world around you keeps moving. It does not pause for you to sort things out or recover from years without support. And honestly, support may help, but it does not guarantee or safeguard you against stressors and burnout. It helps you function better in a world typically not designed for us. And accessibility should not be a last resort. Accessibility should be proactive, not reactive. And the difference between a scheduling preference and a scheduling accommodation is not whether someone likes a particular schedule. It's whether disability-related barriers substantially affect functioning. Preferences make life nicer. Accommodations make life accessible. Preferences optimize. Accommodations enable. Preferences are about comfort. Accommodations are about access. And if you are an autistic adult listening today, I want you to remember something. Needing support does not mean you are less capable. It means you understand yourself. It means you recognize your limits. It means you are learning to work with your brain instead of constantly fighting against it. And there is wisdom in that and there is strength in that. And what a gift it is to understand yourself, because a lot of people do not have that self-understanding. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with advocating for what you need. Okay, so there you have it. Thank you for joining me for today's episode of Quietly Autistic at Last podcast. Remember, the diagnosis wasn't a box, it was a mirror. And until next time, this is Dr. Allison Sucamelli. Take care of yourselves, honor your needs, and keep following your path toward authenticity. And I will see you next week. And kind reminder, this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and reflects one autistic person's perspective. Autism is a spectrum and experiences vary widely. This episode is not legal, medical, psychological, or employment advice. If you are seeking accommodations in the workplace or educational setting, consult qualified professionals familiar with your specific circumstances and applicable laws. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 in the United States for immediate support.