Quietly Autistic at Last
Quietly Autistic at Last
A podcast for the women who were always "a little different"—but never had the words for why.
Hosted by Dr. Allison Sucamele, a woman diagnosed with autism later in life, this podcast explores the quiet, often-overlooked experiences of neurodivergent women who spent years—sometimes decades—masked, misunderstood, or misdiagnosed.
Each episode is a gentle unraveling of what it means to be quietly autistic at last: the grief of being missed, the relief of being named, the power of self-recognition, and the beauty of finally feeling seen.
Whether you’re newly diagnosed, self-identifying, or just beginning to wonder… this space is for you. Tender truths, lived stories, unmasking, and self-compassion—one quiet conversation at a time.
Quietly Autistic at Last
# 17 - Why “High-Functioning” Misses the Point - Especially for Late-Diagnosed Women
“You’re so high-functioning.”
It’s a phrase many late-diagnosed autistic women hear when they finally share their diagnosis - often offered as reassurance, praise, or disbelief. And almost always, it misses the point.
In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we unpack why the term high-functioning doesn’t just fall short, it actively obscures the lived reality of autistic women diagnosed later in life. We explore the psychology beneath the label, including masking, nervous system survival, grief, identity, and why appearing “fine” often comes at an invisible cost.
Drawing on research around autistic burnout, camouflaging, minority stress, the Double Empathy Problem, and Polyvagal Theory, this episode reframes functioning labels for what they really measure: not wellbeing, but how much pain someone can carry without making others uncomfortable.
This conversation is honest, affirming, and grounded in both lived experience and science - a reminder that competence does not cancel need, and survival is not the same as thriving.
References & Further Reading
- Unmasking Autism – Devon Price
- Divergent Mind – Jenara Nerenberg
- Raymaker et al. (AASPIRE): Research on autistic burnout
- Hull et al.: Studies on masking and camouflaging in autistic women
- Milton, D.: The Double Empathy Problem
- Botha, M.: Minority stress in autistic adults
- Stephen Porges: Polyvagal Theory
- National Autistic Society: Why functioning labels are harmful
Autism-Affirming Resources
- National Autistic Society (UK): https://www.autism.org.uk
- Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN): https://autisticadvocacy.org
- AASPIRE (Academic Autism Spectrum Partnership in Research and Education): https://aaspire.org
- Embrace Autism: https://embrace-autism.com
Mental Health Resources
If this episode brings up distress, grief, or overwhelm, support is available:
- U.S. & Canada: Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
- UK & ROI: Samaritans – 116 123
- Australia: Lifeline – 13 11 14
- Or visit: https://findahelpline.com
for global support
Brief Disclaimer
Autism is experienced differently by every individual. The perspectives shared in this episode reflect one autistic lived experience and interpretation of research, not a universal autistic narrative. Listening with curiosity and self-compassion is encouraged.
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